How I got better at being alone without scrolling to death
Self-love looks like enjoying your own damn company
Being alone is a beautiful thing.
There’s a big difference between being lonely and actually enjoying your alone time. One feels like being left behind. The other feels like a self-love main character montage.
And sometimes? That montage looks like finding a $10 Torrid corset at the thrift store, and serving confidence in a dressing room mirror. For no one but me...and I guess you now.
In a world constantly buzzing with scroll-happy stimulation, sometimes the most radical thing you can do is look away from the screen, take yourself out, and enjoy a walk and a treat drink in peace.
If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t really like being alone,” this article is for you.
Because self-love isn’t just bubble baths and skincare. Sometimes, it’s learning how to be with yourself long enough to remember you’re actually pretty great company.
The loneliness epidemic no one talks about at brunch
We’re all weirdly disconnected right now, even from ourselves.
Even though the pandemic was 5 YEARS AGO (whaaaat?)
It wiped out a lot of our routines and left a bunch of us wondering, “wait... when did I last see someone in real life that wasn’t at work, my barista, or my cat?”
A lot of us feel... untethered. Like we’re existing, but not really living.
And it’s not your fault.
Your phone is a fucking joy vacuum
The average adult spends 4 to 6 hours a day scrolling, and that’s just the phone. Add TV, laptops, work screens… and girl, no wonder we’re all overstimulated yet somehow still bored as shit.
How is anyone supposed to feel grounded in a comparison trap that either makes us feel like failures or guilts us into buying stuff we’ve been convinced will “change our lives” just so we can feel okay existing?
So, I DOUBLE DOG dare you to open your phone settings and set a 2-hour timer for social scrolling. Don’t worry, you can always hit “Ignore for the day,” but it’s a great first step toward actually enjoying your life instead of just scrolling through it.
If you have an iPhone, go to Settings > Screen Time > App Limits, toggle it on, and then choose the social apps that suck up the most of your time. You know the ones.
Would you honestly hang out with you?
No shade, but real question.
How often have you tried to hang out with someone and they were glued to their phone the whole time? Now flip it, how often are you that person... but to yourself?
This isn’t a guilt trip. It’s more like: hey, bestie, what if we gave ourselves the same attention we give viral hot takes and silly cat videos?
Because here's the truth:
You can’t expect anyone to enjoy your company if you don’t even like hanging out with you without all the screen distractions.
From panic attacks to solo thrift trips
After the pandemic, I forgot how to be outside. I was living in a tiny studio apartment with my boyfriend and two dogs, and even the idea of going to the grocery store gave me a full-blown panic attack.
Now, I’m not saying you need to jump from zero to taking yourself on adorable coffee dates overnight. It took me time. And in this post, I’ll walk you through the steps I took to get there. But just know: if I can do it, maybe you can too!
These days, I take myself on a solo date at least once a week. Sometimes it’s drive-through coffee (not Starbucks, support your local weird cafes), or getting lunch and reading a book, or hitting the trifecta: Goodwill → Ross → TJ Maxx, all conveniently lined up in the same parking lot in my small town.
I don’t spend more than $50. That’s not the point. The point is: music in my ears, no one rushing me, feeling cute, and walking into the thrift store like I am the vibe.
And sometimes? That vibe looks like panic-buying a “Testicle Festival” shirt because you’ve never seen anything speak to your soul so aggressively at 11am on a Thursday.
If you’re thrifting with me? Stay sharp, babe, I will fight you for all the good plus-size alternative stuff. There is no mercy in the clearance rack.
Hobbies are the gateway to loving yourself
Taking yourself out on a solo date sounds cute, but sometimes even putting on pants feels like a betrayal. That’s why we start small.
Tiny, home-based joys are how we rebuild the muscle of being alone without being lonely.
This is where hobbies come in.
They don’t need to be productive. They don’t need to make money. They don’t need to “build your brand.” They just need to make you feel like you again.
Create more than you consume (even just a little)
You don’t need to have a full-on hobby renaissance. You just need a few minutes of you time that doesn’t involve a glowing rectangle.
Even 10 minutes. That’s it. Although lean in PLEASE if you find you want to keep going.
If you want a soft lil structure to try without flipping your whole life upside down.
10 minutes of no phone
That means: no scrolling, no refreshing, no letting other people’s chaos leak into your nervous system.
Silence your phone. Put it in another room. Give your brain a sec to just exist.
10 minutes of movement
We’re not talking marathon training here, just shake the dust off your limbs.
It could be stretching, going for a walk, dancing like a maniac in your living room, or even vacuuming with flair. Or hey, maybe it’s finally using that gym membership you’ve been conveniently forgetting exists.
(And if you’re a fitness person, check out my other Substack: Fit Body Full Belly. It’s like gym content, but for the emotionally exhausted.)
Whatever gets your blood moving and reminds your body it’s not just a decorative couch accessory.
10 minutes of joy or creative nonsense
Do something purely because it feels good or weird or peaceful.
Ideas:
Doodle absolute garbage in a sketchbook and don’t show a soul
Reorganize your bookshelf by ✨vibe✨ not alphabet
Do a fashion show of all the outfits you keep meaning to wear
Journal all those nasty feelings or that crazy dream you had last night
READ ONE OF THE BOOKS YOU KEEP BUYING GIRL
The point is not productivity. It’s presence. Pleasure. Play.
I know you’re tired. I’m tired, too.
Sometimes the only thing we can do is rot in bed and scroll. And that’s okay. This isn’t a productivity cult, we’re not trying to “optimize” your healing or “hack” your day.
But I also know this:
You will never be younger than you are right now. Your body will never be more capable than it is in this moment.
Even if you feel like a gremlin who hasn’t seen the sun in three days.
You don’t have to do everything. Just do something. ANYTHING JUST FOR YOU!
That’s why I made this piece above.
The chameleon is an animal that constantly changes itself, usually for survival, or for the comfort of others. It hides. It blends. It adapts.
But when it’s gone? The only thing left behind is bone.
Raw. Unchangeable. Honest.
Here’s what self-love actually looks like:
Taking yourself out.
Laughing at your own dumb jokes.
Making something no one will ever see.
And liking the person who’s doing it.
I grew up poor, and most of my clothing was secondhand. Early adulthood was also tough financially. I never got out of the thrift store thing. At 51, making a comfortable living, I still think “I need black pants. Try Goodwill first, then Ross, then Target.”
I have a green chenille sweater and a black butterfly print skirt from your thrift finds. Also the “trash panda” t-shirt you designed.