How I build confidence when I still feel insecure

What self-love looks like when you're fat, neurodivergent, and getting older.

You ever look at your life and think,“Wow, I’ve actually made something kind of amazing”
…and then immediately feel like it’s still not enough?

Like you’ve done the WORK. You’ve built a life that looks good on paper…or at least better than it was. You’ve survived some sh*t. Maybe even thrived a little.

And yet?

You still catch yourself shrinking.
Still doubting.
Still scrolling through social media like your entire personality needs a rebrand.

If you’re fat,
if you’re weird,
if your brain doesn’t work “normally,”
if you’re a woman who’s daring to age visibly in public,
the world will find a way to tell you you’re doing it wrong.

Sometimes it’s society.
Sometimes it’s your own voice.
Either way, it’s exhausting.

That’s where I was when I made this piece. Because sometimes the only person who can talk me down from the spiral… is me.

---

This newsletter is where I dump all the messy feelings behind my art. Subscribe so you don’t miss the next emotional rollercoaster disguised as a blog post.

---

I know I’m a big deal. So why don’t I feel like it?

Let’s get this out of the way:

I’ve been a full-time artist for over a decade. I haven’t had a day job since 2013. I wake up when I want, do what I want, wear whatever I want. I have an amazing partner. Amazing friends. And (casual flex) almost a half million followers.

So like… I should feel like a big f*cking deal right?!

But I don’t. Or not always, at least.

And that’s why I made this piece.

---

I make affirmations I’m still trying to believe myself

That quote,

“Babe, you’re a big deal. Act like it.”

…wasn’t something I wrote because I believed it.

I made it because I NEEDED to hear it. To draw it again and again.

What’s extra frustrating is that people ask me all the time, “How are you so confident?”And I never really know what to say. Because honestly? Sometimes that question feels like a dig.

Like… you’re shocked I’m confident?

Because I’m plus size? Because I don’t wear Spanx? Because I’m out here in a crop top and shorts, full apron belly out, sweating at a carnival with chub rub cream in my bag, taking photos of my joy on the damn carousel?

Why shouldn’t I be confident?

But the truth is, I don’t always feel it. A lot of this is me faking it. Over and over again. Until eventually, my brain catches up.

---

Confidence is something you practice. Not something you earn.

There’s this myth that you have to feel confident first, then you’re allowed to act like it.

Nope. That’s not how it works.

Confidence is something you do. Like any other skill.
Want to get better at drawing? You practice.
Want to get more confident? You practice that too.

You show up before you’re ready.
You say the thing before your voice stops shaking.

Every successful person I know still feels like they’re chasing something.

No one’s sitting around like, “Yep! I did it! I’m perfect now!”

Maybe we’re not supposed to reach some final boss version of ourselves. Maybe we’re just supposed to keep going.

Because the journey is the whole point.
I always liked the road trip more than the destination anyway.

---

The main reason I ever acted confident?

SPITE BABY!

When I was younger, I started acting confident as a big “f*ck you” to people who thought I wasn’t allowed to feel good in my body.

I learned to act confident because it pissed people off. And sometimes that’s all the fuel you need.

Menards Drama: A live performance of me being “too much”

The other day I went to Menards just to grab something quick, and I decided to serve Ursula realness: purple halter top, black skirt, full glam makeup. I felt amazing.

This woman looked me up and down and rolled her eyes and whispered under her breath “Yuck! Whatever! So I turned my head and said:

“Jealous?!”

We made eye contact. She looked shocked and I blew her a kiss.

Now, was it petty? Definitely.
But also? It was ICONIC!

And it reminded me why I fight so hard to keep showing up like this, because we’re taught to feel ashamed for taking up space.

---

“Too Much” is just code for “harder to control”

Confident women make people uncomfortable.

Especially if you’re fat. Neurodivergent. Alternative. Loud. Queer.

Because if you believe in yourself, they can’t guilt you into shrinking.

Every time someone calls you “too much,” what they really mean is: you’re harder to control when you believe in yourself.

That’s why I made this piece. The fire. The lettering. The match with the little heart on it.

This isn’t just an art piece. It’s a middle finger to everyone who ever told you to tone it down.

My confidence isn’t fake…it’s a forecast

You don’t need to wait until you’re “ready.” You just have to start.

You don’t have to become your highest self overnight. There’s no freaky Friday moment where she just shows up magically in your body.

You build her.
One “f*ck it, I’m doing it anyway” at a time.

The version of you who feels unstoppable? She’s not a stranger, you’re becoming her.

So don’t wait until you’re ready. Light the match anyway. 🔥

---